The eternal question of nurture and nature

I like to analyze myself and other people. I want to know all aspects of life and am curious, so I love to ask people a lot of questions and I read a lot about philosophy, history,… What makes people the way they are? Life is a wonderful journey and I want to live every aspect of it.
Today, I was talking to someone and all of a sudden she asked me: ‘Are you born in December?’ I was surprised by her question and she was right, I am born in that month. ‘You are a real Sagittarius,’ she continued. She was a Sagittarius as well and could relate to what I was saying. I must say, I am a bit in Astrology, but am a bit skeptical as well. I want to believe that we are not only who we are because of a certain day and place we were born in, but also by our environment, our experience: the eternal Nurture – Nature question.

But, I was intrigued and as we talked more and more with each other, I realized that whatever she was saying, I could relate to a lot of it and found that we do think the same. She is from a completely different country, has a completely different culture and still we had so much in common.

ImageAt home, I started to look for more information on Sagittarius and I found that this describes me in many ways. I am on the cusp of Sagittarius and Capricorn, so I thought for a long time that I was a Capricorn, but I could never relate to any of those characteristics. Sagittarius is the real me, I realize now. But, it also leaves me with a big question: Does this mean that we are not that much influenced by our culture, that our personality is shaped by the stars after all?


I must say that, after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, someone from China, I thought about this question for a long time. Did we break up because of cultural differences or because of our personality? He was a Cancer, according to the internet: a sensitive person who loves the comfort of home. He wants to have security and stability. Totally the opposite of Sagittarius, who love their freedom, want to philosophize, are adventurous, impulsive, and love to communicate.

So, 2 different personalities, 2 different cultures,… It was bound to go wrong. And still, we had 2 amazing years where we got along very well.
Until, I guess, it became all too serious. We shared a lot of the same interests and this went well in the beginning of the relationship, but in the end you want to have a person who you want to grow old with and that is where it went wrong.

He, being a Chinese man, wanted to go back and live in his hometown close to his family. I felt it would restrict me too much and I would end up in a small Chinese town with no family, no friends, only him to rely on at first (after some time, I could make friends and start a life there as well, I think). We already had some communication problems, because he was very quiet and he never discussed anything with me. Which let to some arguments before. This could be his personality (being a Cancer?!), but also something I observed in many Chinese men: they never discuss something with their girlfriends or wives and they avoid confrontations. Even if the girlfriend would yell at them, they just stand there and don’t react or react in a submissive way. After the girlfriend made a scene, the boyfriend is still doing everything for her. Incomprehensible in Western eyes: first of all, we wouldn’t make a scene in public. Secondly, we don’t like a man who doesn’t react, we want to argue with him, we want to hear his point of view. We want him to yell as well or at least show some emotion and after that we can solve the problem. The way I see it now, is that with Chinese men, everything builds up until it explodes.
So, this is something cultural, unfortunately, because it means that a lot of marriages are not based on love in China, but on a mutual acceptance: let’s just tolerate each other for our parents and have a child, so that our parents are happy. We, as a couple, don’t need to be happy, which, is changing, but it goes slowly. Chinese don’t seem to know how to communicate about their feelings, not even to their closed ones.

As a real Sagittarius I love to communicate. I can’t understand why people wouldn’t want to share a lot of stories, a lot of their dreams and desires with someone, in the least the person they are committed to. We can learn so much from each other, but then we have to talk to each other, no talk, no knowledge, right?

So, Nature – Nurture? I guess we are a combination of both, which makes it all the more interesting. If we would be completely like our star sign, we would know people immediately and there is no mystery, but because everyone has their unique life experiences, we can listen to them and learn more from everyone around us. Every person is unique and every person is worth listening to.

I hope that everyone will meet their soulmate and start life’s journey together to make their own unique stories….



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